Home Depot

I finally have the time to arrange cookbooks that have been lying around on a bookshelf that I managed to paint.

We're in that lull at SCAD between quarters. More people from the neighborhood are visible, or at least they seem more so, with the sudden disappearance of art students balancing portfolios and supply boxes on foot, bike, and skate board and the circulation of SCAD busses.

Last night, after talking to my little sister in Maine and watching part of a political talk show, I decided to do a simple errand at Home Depot. I say 'simple' because I'm not much of a night or Home Depot person. I went down the front steps toward my car, and saw a man with bags on both shoulders approaching me.

"Good evening."

Relieved that it was going to be a polite interaction, I said "Good evening!"

He asked me for a dollar.  I told him I didn't have cash on me.

"Well, then, you have some crumbs?"

I laughed a little and got in the car.  My first thought after an interaction like this is, I've got to remember to look around more before going off my porch. The second is, I need to get involved somehow to help out where I live. I think about Weslyn Bowers, who started Blessings in a Bookbag here in Savannah; they give underprivileged kids extra food to take home on weekends. I need to follow her posts on Face Book and see if I can help out at one of her events.

At Home Depot I stand in line at customer service. There's a certain energy and self-satisfaction when you're at Home Depot after around 8 PM on a weeknight. Not only are you a do-it-your-selfer, you're doing part of the job at night, probably after working all day. Most people are at home watching The Big Bang Theory.

Two people work the customer service desk. The older, heavy set man is deeply involved with a customer. I'd seen him there before, and he seems like the grand master of the store. An employee with a long dolly of merchandise paused in front of him -- "Does this go in the back?"  He waited on me when I had a question about the top for a pipe closure. "Well, did you measure it or didn't you?" he scolded.

The younger one came from behind a computer to help me. This guy also takes his job seriously but isn't intimidating. Being a non-evening person, I ask if he drinks espresso before a shift.

"No, it just never stops."

After finishing with me he steps around the register to the next person in line. "Whaddya got?" Without waiting for an answer he looks over the customer's shoulder to start scanning the receipt that the customer's holding.  

I've always admired people who have that complete focus and on-the-job energy; I find myself mesmerized by them. With that focus, people enact a sense of purpose, whether working part-time or at their dream job.

In his commencement address at Harvard this year, Mark Zuckerberg said that our main challenge as a society is to create a renewed sense of purpose. A May 26 New York Times article ("Facebook Chief on the Road") chronicled Zuckerberg's trips around the country having face-to-face conversations with Facebook users. At an opioid addict treatment center he heard about the lack of purpose that the group felt. Purpose, he said, is feeling that there is something greater to work toward, that we're part of something bigger than ourselves.

Within an hour last night I saw two kinds of purpose. The first, I imagine, was to satisfy immediate need. The second was in an unexpected place, for me at least, customer service at Home Depot. If people don't feel purpose in the moment, in the future, and in various dimension of their lives, their well being will certainly fray and that will have ripple effects.

I'm trying to organize my time more by immediate and long-term goals. I can easily lilt one day to the next, especially between quarters without the pull of grading and emails. I'm inspired by my friends, who are hammering away at their own goals. Plus, I've already straightened the cookbooks.

Running Toward the Ball

So it's time that I told you about the name of my blog, Running Toward the Ball.  The phrase is from lacrosse, or at least I heard it at summer camp during lacrosse games (actually, during practice when the counselors were yelling at us). Don't get the idea that I was a lacrosse star. I was probably, quite happily, on the B team -- which they delicately called "Silver," the A team been "Gold." I guess that's the first stopping point in this memory -- I was very contented at that time to do my best. I wasn't resentful or jealous, but always working to be as good as I could be. I know that sounds pretty girl-scout like, but it was probably one of the most centered and happy times of my life.

Lacrosse was a somewhat intimidating sport, looking back. In field hockey, the ball was mostly on the ground and all you had to do was be a good runner, chase after it, and hit once in while. It seemed smart to maintain an equal distance from the girl with the ball as you ran up the field or even give more of a wide berth; the girls would whack the ball in huge diagonals and of course I'd go sprinting after it.

I tried the same strategy in lacrosse, but got reminded not to run awy from the person with the ball,  to run toward her. That seemed a little counter-intuitive to me, especially with all those sticks waving in the air.

Through the years the phrase has stuck with me and I've adapted it to mean moving toward a goal. I know that seems like the obvious direction, but at times in my life I've been, if not a self-handicapper, then at least not goal-oriented in a clear path, meaning, I'd let myself meander onto more interesting paths, or be a rebel rouser and somehow protest the clear and accessible path (especially those with rules and authority figures). I'm working on "being there" for myself in a more nurturing and rational way -- and not just once in a while.

Of course, getting older, the stakes become higher. Seeing and running toward are more important than ever.

Being Vital

At Thanksgiving last year before dinner, I spoke to out host's mother, Shirley. She and her husband had moved from Vermont to Seattle a few years ago to be with their son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren. They lived in a retirement community.

Shirley was a great conversationalist. I asked if she missed Vermont.

"My husband and I were originally from New York," she began, in a New York accent. But her husband worked for IBM (short for "I've Been Moved") and they asked him to move to Burlington. They went and their kids, a boy and a girl, eventually enrolled in University of Vermont.

I'm not sure about this, but I believe that they had one car. At least the kids didn't have a car. So on a typical day, Shirley would drop her husband off at work and the kids at campus. Then she'd go to the bank,  the grocery, come home, put away the groceries, make her appointments. I assume that she'd make dinner, then go back to campus and pick up the kids. After dinner she's take them to the library.

"Wouldn't they be at the library awful late, for you to go pick them up?" I asked.

"Well, they'd take me back home so that they could have the car. It was a very small town."

Then she sighed and said, "Those were the days."

Shirley was looking slightly past me as she recounted all this. From her closing remark it would seem more fitting if she was reliving a life of golf, bridge games, and dinners at the country club. But her wistfulness was for a time when she saw herself as vital -- which is not to say that she's not vital now, with her children, grandchildren, and husband nearby. But in Burlington, she was the center of things in a way that enabled her family to run while each person pursued their goals. She created a world that called her to act everyday.

In the months since meeting Shirley I've thought about whether I'm vital in my world. In fact I feel the question like an undertow. At 57, how connected am I to communities other than my immediate ones -- work and friends here in Savannah? Yes, I stay in touch with a few people from high school, and extended family. But some important connections and activities have puttered to a stop. My ideas about those parts of my life have become more ideas than real.

What is being vital? It's being part of communities, using talents, being more present, more often for people who are important. It means involvement in activities that I see myself in, and some that I never thought about, as chances arise. It's a time that I'll look back on and say, "that was great" or "I can't believe I did that."

For Shirley, with immediate family in front of her, she probably became vital without even knowing it was happening (as my boyfriend said). In my case, I'm thinking about ways that I can be more vital and am trying to take a step toward it everyday. Writing about Shirley is a start.